Sunday, August 29, 2010

Wedding Bells

This coming Friday I am remarrying my x-husband.....We got divorced last June and back together in Oct. Who would have thought we were going to get back together and actually like each other lol....Things are going great. I could not be happier. We both learned some valuable lessons about life,ourselves and each other. We are going to have a simple ceremony in a little garden. The only people attending are our children and my granddaughter. Troy is a jeans kinda guy and well jeans is what he will get. I think I might just get a cute sun dress since its supposed to be hot. We went and got wedding bands yesterday. They are temporary since we are on the broke side and were not very expensive. I really like mine. I will take a pic later and post it. TA TA for now, I have done enough procrastinating about my homework, time to actually do it :)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Better Day

Today I woke up with a much more positive outlook. I know that I need to be thankful that my family is happy and healthy and that I have been blessed with my beautiful children, granddaughter and the two grand babies on the way. I know that I did not do anything to cause my girls to get pregnant and I did all that I could in the ways of education and getting them put on the pill. I know I can not change the fact she is pregnant, I need to accept it and be happy. I need to be happy that even though my son has some issues, he is bright and healthy and smart and we will get through this.

I have six followers now:) that makes me so happy, it gives me a reason to write something everyday. I even got comments. That made my whole day, so thanks guys.

Today was a good day....Didn't do much, went and ran some errands. The guy my husband works for sometimes wife called me at 4 and asked me to take her and her dog to the doggie hospital so I didn't get home until 6:30 . Then I met mom for a cocktail and appetizer. I had fun and its amazing what an hour away can do. Delilah just woke up and Sam decided to give her a bath to soothe her and hope she goes back to sleep. I guess you know you are loved when you get peed on lol....Night night all


Sunday, August 22, 2010

Back to School ( I wish)

All the kids start school tomorrow , all except my son. I know that he is having problems right now but part of me can't help to feel a little selfish. I want normal back. I do not want to deal with the therapists and the meds. Part of me feels like a failure, like this is all my fault. I guess I should explain. My son has always had some separation anxiety. In kindergarten we thought it was cute that he needed extra love from the teacher. Than he started having episodes. He would throw a fit when we took him to school, kicking, screaming and crying. In the early years, once he got into the school and settled he was fine. Sometimes we could go months with a normal happy Billy. As he got older , the episodes got worse, he had full out panic attacks. It would take my husband ( who is not a weak man) all he had to get him into the school. There were days, he spent the whole day in the office. Last year, we all had our breaking point. The panic attacks got so bad it would take him hours to recover. So, His doctor and I made the decision for him to be temporarily home-bound. The school has been a great and the teacher that comes to our home has been a gift from god. She has patience and she took the time this summer to see him once a week to get him caught up on math. We have come to realize that Troys mom getting sick and passing is one of the things that made Billy worse. He does not do well with change of any kind, and his home is his safe zone. The doctors and therapists are saying it is anxiety and depression. Though now there is a part of me that is thinking its more. He is very smart , loves his video games and to be honest not much more. When Billy has a conversation all he wants to talk about is his new game, or one he wants or something about it. Everything in life he compares to his games. They say he has ADD but yet he can sit on a game for hours and yet when his teacher is here he can not sit still or focus.  I feel like there is more they can do to help him. I wish I knew what to do. I know what your thinking, just take away the games. I just can't . I have tried and Billy is lifeless without them, he goes deeper into his shell and is just depressed. We have decided to put him in a few activities so he can get some socialization before we try to put him back into school. He has been in karate before so I am thinking that will be a start.

My life is just starting to feel like I have been nothing but one big mess up of a mother. Sam had her baby at 17, though I am proud she finished high school and is now in college. But there are so many other things about her situation that makes me want to scream. When I say anything to her, I am accusing her of being a bad mother/person so I just keep my mouth shut. And now my other girl is pregnant at 17. I have taught my girls about choices, about birth control, I even put them on birth control. I have talked to them until I am blue in the face about all the challenges I went through being a teen mother.

I am sick of being everyones taxi/housekeeper/cook. No one wants to help, no one wants to clean up after themselves. I am trying to keep the house going, keep Troy happy, my school work and looking for a job. Plus the doctor visits etc. Some days I feel like I am going to lose it.

I am sorry this is a post rambling. I just really needed to vent.

Night Blogger World


Saturday, August 21, 2010


I have never claimed to be a great mother. Believe me, I know I am not. I will say the one thing that totally drives me nuts is parents who do not watch their children. I had company tonight and they had their three children with them. We cooked on the grill, it would have been nice had I not been doing everything for the kids. I got the plates of food ready, kept checking on them in the house and cleaned up after them when they were done. Billy did a really good job keeping them busy. Though when they left he sighed a huge sigh of relief. My girls were a year and a month apart and I am not lying when I say they were a handful to go anywhere with. The one thing I always made sure I did was to know what they were doing, where they were and got them everything they needed when we went visiting. Maybe things have changed, my kids are older and many of my friends children are little. I am not even sure I had the right to get frustrated over this. Maybe I am just overly tired today. 

On another note, I was supposed to go to a friends barbeque/birthday party for her daughter. Troy started to fix the roof on the building thinking it only needed to be patched up. Well....It ended up needing to be totally replaced. Ended up having to go to Lowes and we did not get done until 6. I did not have to do much to help other than get the big boards up to him and whatever else he needed while he was up there. With his knees and back the way they are, I did not want him to have to keep going up and down the ladder. I know she is upset with me, but by the time we got done I was so tired and our friends said they were gonna stop over and eat with us. I am sure she thinks I just blew her off when in actuality I did not at all. The more I try to explain myself, the more I just look like a jerk. So I said I was sorry, could tell by her respose she was not happy. I guess she will get over it....Who  knows anymore. 

I am off to bed. I have two assignments, a chapter to read and notes to take tomoroww that on top of laundry...YAY me.....


Girly Girl

HIGH HEELS ON WHEELS: Girlier than Girly (GTG!): "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

So I have decided to turn my car into what I want it to be. I am not going to worry about the hubby not wanting to drive it. Pink is my favorite color. Yes, I am 35 years old and I do not care what any one thinks. Next time I have some extra money, I am going to start ordering my pink gear:) My car is a really pretty blue so I think pink will go well with it. Check out this website I linked.....Found everything I want on one page, how great is that! I promise a longer post later .


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Kabukicho, Shinjuku, Japan Photo-Post

Kabukicho, Shinjuku, Japan Photo-Post: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

This is one of my favorite sites. My dream is to one day be able to go to Japan, Tokyo and China.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Writing and such

I have been following a few blogs for what seems like forever. I only wish I could be witty, sarcastic or funny. Sadly my writing is kind of boring. In school I am in my first Comp class and unfortunately it is not really teaching me how to interesting. Yes, I am writing this for me but it would be nice to get a comment now and then.

Today was uneventful for the most part, I haven't really felt myself for the last couple of days. I am stressed out and the news I got is not making it any better. I realized tonight , it is never a good idea for me to take four days off of school. I logged on tonight and had over 100 posts to read in each class on top of my work and reading. This is the last week for this semester and I have a final to do at some point. Everyone told me that doing classes online was going to be so hard but to be honest I have really enjoyed it so far. I am averaging a 4.0 GPA . I keep saying WOW to myself because I sucked as a high school student. I could have cared less about school. I guess knowing that I will be paying for it makes all the difference.

I made breakfast for dinner tonight. The fam loves when I do this. We had bacon, eggs, sausage and french toast. Unfortunately my stomach has been killing me and I did not eat much. I am super tired tonight so I am off to dreamland......night night

Monday, August 9, 2010

09 | August | 2010 | I'm Just Walkin'

09 | August | 2010 | I'm Just Walkin': "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

This is one of my Favorite sites right now. I check in daily. This guys is walking a ridiculous amount of miles for really no reason other than to do it. Along the way he has ran into some very nice people. Good to know there are still those that will take you into their homes and feed you and let you shower. The pics he takes are gorgeous and sometimes tell a great story.

Monday Blahs!!

I really do  not know whats wrong with me today but boy do I have the blahs. I did not even touch my school work tonight. On a good note my appointment on Sat went great. The doctor said that the site has healed perfectly and that I do not need to come back for another year. One thing off my chest. My daughter went with me and treated me to Red Lobster for lunch. I haven't had that in a long time....I had some shrimp scampi and crab legs. I did get some news that well to say the least I am in shock. I will share sometime but just can not bring myself to do it yet. This week hopefully is the last week that I am off work, I have so much I want to accomplish. I want to paint the front door, side door and the garage door and the trim of the buildings. I also want to get to Lowes and find the paint I need  for the shutters. I think a nice barn red is going to make it look so nice. I am so sick of this blue. I know this is short tonight but I am tired and grouchy.....

Friday, August 6, 2010

So not looking forward to this

So about a year and a half ago I had skin cancer. Yes, I spent lots of years going to tanning beds and laying out in the sun. You would think that my skin cancer would of been in a place that the sun actually touched but no,leave it to me to get skin cancer in the weirdest of places. I had mine where a woman get an episiotomy when in child birth. For about two years I was misdiagnosed. One gyno said that it was a skin condition and loaded me up on creams and steroids. After about eight months I went to another doctor whos first words were , " You have herpes". To say I was livid is an understatement. He than tested me and realized I did not have that. Ummm Yeah, one little sore is not herpes, I looked it up. After a few more visits, I decided to dump him too. A friend than told me about her doctor, she said that he was amazing and to be honest he is. He hit the nail on the head on my first visit. He looked up at me , while looking and said I am not trying to scare you but we need to get this biopsied right away. He said he was 99% sure it was cancer. I was so scared and upset, I went back to work but was so shaken that they sent me home. The next day the doctor called personally and told me that what he thought was correct. He did tell me the type I had was common and that I needed to have surgery and as long as the cancer was not in my lymph nodes than I did not need any other treatment. He sent me to one of the best woman's cancer doctors in the area and I can honestly say those two doctors are the best doctors out there. Surgery went great and I did not have it in my lymph nodes though I was told I still had pre -cancerous cells in that area and I needed to be watched closely. It was a horrible recovery. Because of where it was mainly. My body rejected the stitches, I was only supposed to be out of work a week and it turned into 6 weeks. I had to go to a injury center every week to get packaged so to speak, I could hardly walk and my time at home was spent in bed with a fan blowing there. My son would knock on my bedroom door and say " Mom, cover your hoho I am coming in". At the same time my husband and I were going through the roughest part in our relationship. So I was going through this with no one really to lean on emotionally. Last June I l was laid off from my job and lost my insurance and I know it was horrible but I just haven't been back for my follow up appointments. Last week I received a letter from Dr. Rosenshein that stated that he was concerned that I have not been back and that it was very important I come in as soon as possible. I called the office and explained that I have not been working and Troy is only doing what he can, he is not supposed to work because of his health. They called me back the next day and the doctor lowered his doctor visit by 100.00 for me. I started to cry. I have basically labeled doctors as not caring and money grubbing and wow did his doctor prove me wrong. So tomorrow is the day, Tori is going to go with me and take me to breakfast afterward. I am scared to death to say the least. A million thoughts keep going through my mind, What if the cancer is back? What if I would need treatment this time? We are already struggling. I am trying to remain positive but sometimes it is so hard for me. If anyone lives in the MD, WV, VA area and needs a woman's cancer doctor I highly recommend Dr. Neil B. Rosenshein . He works out of Baltimore Md and Hagerstown MD. Well I am off to bed, night night. Wish me luck ......


This is my granddaughter Delilah. Decided to give her a Mohawk the other day. She is outside having fun, I put water on one of our outside chairs and she played in it for about an hour. If only it was always this easy.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Skunks really stink

So we are up late as usual. Troy and I hang out in the garage, he either is piddling around with something while I do my homework.  About an hour ago he decided to let the dog out for the last time of the night. I heard Troy yelling and I ran out and he said that she had gotten sprayed by a skunk....Ugh I thought this is going to be a long night. She was running around the yard like crazy and when I finally got a hold of her I realized that the skunk sprayed her right in the face. You do not know how thankful I am for this.No, that sounded bad. I am thankful the skunk did not get her whole body, I feel horrible it got her face.  I washed her off with Dawn and tomato juice and she is stink free. Now, this is the third time this skunk has been in our yard. I am thinking about calling around tomorrow and trying to find someone to trap it and take it away. Wish it was as easy as calling Billy the Exterminator. One of his shows showed him trapping a skunk and made it look easy. The thing even sprayed the blanket he threw over top of it and he acted like it did not stink to high heaven.  I am very worried that this skunk is going to strike again and what if it is one of my kids next time and not the dog? Does anyone have any experience with something like this? Well, I am off its after 2am and I have a lot to do in the AM.....Night night


101 Things

What a better way for readers to get to know me than 100 random questions. Since this is my first blog post I thought it would be a great idea. If you have any other questions just ask away. 

1. Are you in a relationship? Yes, I am now the girlfriend to  my

2. Favorite candy bar? Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

3. What is your zodiac sign? Aries

4. Summer or Winter? Winter, I hate the heat though I would rather say fall 

5. What kind of cell phone do you have? A blackberry Curve 2 and its purple and awesome

6. Do you have any embarrassing CD's? I would have to say my NKOTB Cd but I am not embarrassed.

7. How many children do you have? All together 5, my biological kids are Sam 18, Tori, 17 and Billy is 12. My step daughters are Crissy 25 and Amanda 22. I also have a granddaughter, Delilah and she is 8 months. I also have a grand baby on the way.

8. Do looks matter? No, they never have 

9. Do you have any pets? I have one pretty pitt, her name is Maggie....She thinks she is a poodle

10. Are you  happy with your life right now? I am the happiest that I have been in a long time, though I have my days.....don't we all?

11. Are you closer to your mother or father?  My mother ....My father lives in NY and I am lucky if I see him 2 times a year. 

12. Do you have a webcam? Yes, it is attached to my laptop

13. Have you ever broken someones heart? Yes, I have and I am not proud of it. 

14. What do you want more than anything right now? To finish school with the grades I have right now and to find a good job.

15. Do you enjoy scary movies? No, not at all. Though to be thoughtful I will watch one every once in a while with Troy.

16. Have you seen all the Rocky Movies? Yes, I actually have ....

18. Edward or Jacob? Team Edward all the way

19. Who was the last person to make you mad? One of my kids

20. Who was the last person to make you cry? Troy 

21. Who was the last person to make you laugh? Delilah, she is the sweetest funniest baby

22. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what can you touch? Troy, he is sitting next to me on his computer.

23. What is the last thing you watched on TV? The race

24. With the exception to the computer, what can you hear? The Crickets chirping. 

25. What is your favorite color? Any shade of pink....Hot pink especially. 

26. What is your favorite food? Taco Bell or Manicotti 

27. If you became a multi-millionaire over night, what would you buy?   I would buy me a brand new Mustang with all the bells and whistles and Troy any truck he wants. I would buy the girls a new car of their choice. Pay off my house and bills. Open savings accounts for my kids and grand-kids to cover cost of college.  

28. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be? I would make it so every person can afford or get  good health insurance. To many people die because they can not afford to go to the doctor or afford to pay for insurance. 

29. Would you ever consider living abroad? Of course, would be a great learning experience.

30. Who is the last person to call you? Mickey

31. Who was the last person to text you?  Brett

32. Do you have a garden? Yes, I have lots of flowers and tomatoes and peppers growing.

33. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? Dale Earnhardt Jr.

34. What is your favorite talk show? The Ellen Show

35. What is the first thing you think about in the morning? Probably that I have to pee....

36. Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle? Yes and I love it

37. What was the last thing you bought at the store? A 12 pack of Dr.Pepper

38. What color is your bedroom carpet? Burgundy ..same color all through the house except the kitchen and bathrooms!

39. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or  mess, what would you do? I would make the house bigger and redo all the exsisiting walls especially the kitchen and all the carpet.

40. What store would you choose to max out your credit card? Kohls or The Christmas Tree Shoppe

41. How many tattoos do you have? I have four with plans on at least 3 more.

42. When is the last time you ate a homegrown tomato? yesterday

43. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Yes, since most gas stations are self pump. Though I choose to go to the one gas station that has someone do it...I'm kinda lazy lol

44. What is under your bed? A couple of boxes with some of Troys old stuff in it, a box of pictures  and a suitcase. 

45. Think fast, what do you like right now? I'm on a cotton candy kick.

46. What time do you get up? Anytime I want unless I have somewhere to be...This will all change in a couple of weeks when I start my job. 

47. Is there anything going on this weekend? I have a doctors appt on Sat morning and then we are having a bar-be-que on Sunday.

48. Do you sing in the shower? No, Never have. 

50. How many keys on your key ring?  Six

51. What are your best physical features? I am always being told how beautiful my eyes are. 

52. Where did you grow up? Long Island, New York 

53. What are you reading now?  I am reading some stuff on Watt Pad from unknown authors.

54. Are you a morning person or a night owl? A night owl....Its 1:06 and I am still wide awake 

55. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No,just tried 

56. How many rings before you answer the phone? Depends on what I am doing.

57. What is your best childhood memory? My grandmother , she was the best

58. What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life? Cook, waitress, collections, receptionist, dispatcher, 

59. What is most important in life? My family 

60. How tall are you? 5'2 ...yes I am vertically challenged

61. What was the last text message you received ? It said yeah

62. Do you  prefer to call or text? Text , can do that even when I am busy. 

63. What color is your eyes? Blue

65. What time did you wake up today? 10 ish

66. What are you wearing right now? shorts and a t-shirt

67. Where is your favorite place to be? Bed with my love

68. Where would you go if you could go anywhere? Hawaii

69. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? I always thought there was something living under my bed ....

70. How many TVs do you have in your house? 5

71. How big is your bed? queen size

73. How many pillows do you sleep with? I sleep with three and Troy sleeps with three.

74. How many states provinces have you lived in? two Ny and WV

75. What was the last thing you ate?  a bowel of cereal

76. What is your favorite ice cream? vanilla with chocolate sprinkles

77. What is your favorite restaurant? I am a cheap date. Love me some Chipolte

78. What do you drink in the morning?Coke or sweet tea from McDonald's

80. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? the left side

81. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7? No, I always take it off at night.

83. what red object is closest to you right now? A Dr. Pepper can

84. What are five things you can not live without? My cell phone, lip gloss, gum, my ipod touch and food.

85. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? Yes, I have a lead foot!!

86. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you? An old friend surprised me with a few things I really needed. She gave me hope that all people are not so bad.

87. How old will you be in five years? OMG 40 

88. Longest relationship? 18 years and than we split up for a year and we have been back together for 9 months.

89. How many times have you dropped your cell phone? Haha this fits me , I drop it daily. 

90. Last time you attended church? Ummm about 10 years ago. I believe in god, I don't believe in church.

91. What kind of car do you drive? We have three so it depends on the day. Either a 01 Chevy Cavalier, 99 Ford Blazer and a 95 Ford Mustang. Love having no car payments. 

93. Laptop or Desk top computer? I prefer my laptop, its a pretty pink one..Though we do have two desktop computers as well. 

94. Sleep with or without clothes on? tank top and panties.....I can't be naked but I also can not have to much on.

95. How do you like your eggs? Over easy most of the time...but I love a good ham and cheese omelet.

96. Has someone you love ever died? Yes my grandmother, grandfather, aunt and brother:(

97. Do you have a sister? Yes, I do and shes awesome:)

98. Favorite movie? Twilight

99. Least favorite household chore? Its a toss up between laundry and dishes.

100. What is your worst habit? Smoking.....I really want to quit ...really 

101. Is the glass half empty or half full? Half empty