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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year

Happy New Year Everyone. Its almost 2am and I am still awake. I am amazed. It might have something to do with the fact that I just got one of my granddaughters to sleep. I am watching both the girls tonight so that their mammas could go out. Delilah pooped out on us early but Mia was going strong until about an hour ago. My daughter has had problems getting her on a sleep schedule. I will take 1:30 over 4 am any day.
I am really hoping that 2012 brings better things than 2011. Though the start of the year does not show much hope in that. As of today my house is in foreclosure and all of my utilities are in danger of being turned off. I never thought that I would feel like as much of a failure as I do right now. I lost my job due to taking time off to be with my mother in the hospital. I was in my first 90 days so they were within their rights. To me it was morally wrong, but it is what it is. The last two months have gone by in a blur. My mother got diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the end of October. I have been going to her house at least two times a day as well as being with her for dr appointments and trips to the hospital. These trips happen frequently right now. I will save all of that for another post.  I am stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. I want to be there for my mother but I can not go much longer with no income. I can not continue with the crying that I do most days. I am very depressed, I feel like I am at the end of the line. How am I even going to dig my way out of the mess my life has become. I have dealt with depression in the past but this time it is far worse than it has ever been. I am usually the strong one but there is only so much that I can carry on my shoulders.
There will be no resolutions for me this year. I am just going to try as hard as I can to rebuild my life, to save my home and help my mother get through this horrible disease.